A dog that cannot be left alone is not being naughty and is not getting back at you. Something about being alone feels unbearable to it, and what you come home to, the chewed door frame, the puddle, the neighbour’s note about the howling, is what that feeling looks like from the outside. The good news is that it usually improves. The bad news is that most of the quick fixes people try first do nothing, and some make it worse.
First, find out what is actually happening
Set up a phone or a laptop to film the room, leave as you normally would, and watch the first half hour. Most owners have never seen what their dog does when they are gone, and researchers who film dogs left alone have found that owner questionnaires tend to underestimate how many dogs struggle. The film tells you three things nothing else will: how soon it starts, what the dog does, and whether it settles.
What you are looking for:
- Distress: pacing, whining, barking or howling, scratching or chewing at the door you left by or the window you can be seen from, panting, drooling, accidents from a house-trained dog. It usually starts within minutes and does not stop on its own.
- Boredom: chewing a cushion or raiding the bin at some point during a long day, then sleeping. The dog is not upset, it is underused.
- Neither: a dog that sleeps the whole time. Then the problem is something else, such as a noise outside or one particular time of day, and it is worth looking at that instead.
The difference matters because the answers are opposite. A bored dog needs more to do. A distressed dog needs to learn that being alone is safe, and more toys will not teach it that.
The plan for real separation distress
The whole method fits in one sentence: leave for so short a time that your dog never gets upset, and make that time longer very slowly. The rest is detail.
- Find the starting point. From the film, work out how long your dog copes before the first sign of worry. For some dogs that is twenty minutes. For some it is ten seconds, or the moment you pick up your keys. That number is where you begin, not where you would like to begin.
- Practise absences shorter than that. Step out, close the door, come back before any sign of stress. Do it several times in a session, a few sessions a day. Come and go calmly, without a big goodbye or a big hello.
- Stretch it gradually. Add a little time only when the current length is boring for your dog. Mix in short ones among the longer ones so it never becomes a steady climb the dog can predict.
- Take the drama out of the cues. Pick up your keys, put on your shoes, then sit down again. Many dogs start to panic at the signs that you are about to leave, long before the door closes.
- Do not let it go over the line while you are training. This is the hard part. Every full panic undoes some of the progress, so while you work on it, arrange cover for longer absences: a friend, a dog sitter, day care, or taking the dog with you.
Progress is usually slow at the start and faster later. Weeks to months is normal. A written log of each session, with the length and how the dog coped, makes it much easier to see that it is working when it does not feel like it.
What helps around the edges
- A walk and some sniffing before you go. A dog that has had a chance to use its nose and body is more likely to rest. It does not cure distress, but it lowers the starting point.
- Something to lick or work at as you leave. A lick mat spread with wet food and frozen, or a treat-hiding chew toy, is useful for a dog that is mildly unsettled. Be honest about what it shows you, though: a dog in real distress leaves it untouched, and that is information, not a failure of the toy.
- A predictable resting place. A bed in a quiet room, with the radio on if the dog is used to it.
On Amazon: the classic KONG, the rubber toy most often stuffed with wet food and frozen for the moment you leave. The link opens on the Medium; most small breeds need the Small, so choose the size on the page. As above, a dog in real distress will leave it however good the filling.
As an Amazon Associate I earn from qualifying purchases.
What does not work, or makes it worse
- Telling the dog off when you get home. The damage happened an hour ago. The dog learns only that your return is something to fear, which makes the next absence harder.
- Shutting a panicking dog in a crate. A crate the dog already loves can be a safe place. For a dog that panics when confined, it adds a second fear, and dogs have broken teeth and claws trying to get out.
- Getting a second dog to keep it company. Some dogs are calmer with another dog. Many are attached to a person, not to company in general, and you end up with two dogs and the same problem.
- Bark collars. They punish the noise a frightened dog makes. The fear stays; it just becomes quieter.
- Leaving it to cry it out. Dogs with real separation distress do not get used to it by being left longer. They usually get worse.
When to involve the vet
Talk to your vet if your dog injures itself, cannot cope with even a few seconds alone, or is not improving after a few weeks of careful work. Two medicines, clomipramine and fluoxetine, are licensed for separation anxiety in dogs. Both are given every day for a period and both are meant to be used together with the training above, not instead of it. Many dogs do not need them; for the ones that do, they can make the training possible.
Rule out the obvious too. Accidents in the house can be a bladder problem, and an older dog that suddenly cannot be left may be in pain or losing its sight or hearing. A qualified behaviourist, ideally one your vet refers you to, is worth the money for severe cases.
Starting with a puppy
Prevention is far easier than cure. Leave a new puppy alone for short, boring stretches from the first week, while it is tired and fed, and build up from there, so that being alone is just a normal part of the day. Our puppy guide covers the rest of those first months, and if the main complaint is noise rather than panic, the barking guide may be the better place to start.